Crossing Over to the Dark Side

I moved to Boston nearly two years ago now and, as I mention in my About Me, felt a little like a foreigner. I loved the city but found myself constantly comparing it to (the superiority of) Louisiana. When I re-read that sentence it sounds absurd, laughable even. I am so different and so much happier than I was two years ago but that may or may not have any correlation to my geographic location. But the way I live, the activities I participate in, the things I consider “normal”? Vastly different and often comical. This realization fully hit me when I saw this:

I found this via I Love Charts, who called it something like Mac vs. PC users, a guide. The full chart can be found here. Not that only people in Boston buy Macs, by any means, but the list just sparked for me a large trend of Northern vs. Southern idiosyncrasies, which you know I love.  So here we go…

Timeline of the Cross to the Dark Side (or um, LA to MA)

Month One: FREAK OUT every time you have to drive as the streets are narrow, they change names, and the drivers are total Massholes. You nearly get hit, nay, obliterated, every time you get in a car.

It is like playing Crazy Taxi but with real life. Driving a big-ass Explorer probably doesn't help.

Month Two:  You still abhor the Masshole drivers and you find everything absurdly expensive. You cannot get over the lack of Sonic, or any drive-thrus for that matter. What if you look like a hot mess and cannot go into the store!? WHY DOES EVERYONE DRESS LIKE HOT MESSES ALL THE TIME HERE!?

People of Wal-Mart, Massachusetts edition.

Month Three:  Okay pumps every day aren’t working out. In fact they are getting torn up. OH MY GOD am I turning into one of those hot mess dressers!? Did I just walk my dog in Norts and a tank top with flip flops??? Fuck…Plus you start wearing sunscreen every day … pale is the new … pale?

Oh yeah and you can't even find a tanning bed around here. You realize you're turning Northern when that statement is followed by a "Thank god because those are cancer machines!"

Month Four: The quest to find fabulous clothing that you can walk miles in begins. Where is the damn Nordstrom in this town??? You drive twenty miles out of the way to find one, only to be disappointed by how small it is. You also fall in love (even more) with J.Crew and Lord and Taylor.

True Prep. Whyyyy didn't I go to boarding school!?

Month Five: You have turned into one of those Masshole drivers and find yourself hating cyclists with a passion. You will occasionally go to Market Basket (similar to a Brookshire’s) but find yourself frequently Trader Joe’s. The quality is so much higher, you think. You also no longer find it strange to go to a farmer’s market and pay $5 for a pint of strawberries or $8 for a dozen eggs. Pretentious, much?

Months Six – Nine: Winter hits and fashion goes out the window. You break down and buy a North Face. Oh and those hideous Sorel boots your mom gave to you? Yeah you wear them to class most days. At least you don’t wear one of those hats with the animals on it…

Just say no and walk away.

Months Nine – Twelve: You realize Whole Foods Market is just so much better than Trader Joe’s. You’ve officially become a food snob. You also throw out your microwave and start using all-natural cleaning products (the environment, hello?) Who is this girl? And OMG it is supposed to be 90 degrees on Monday!? How ever will you survive the walk to work?

Being a tree-hugger. Chic.

Then there are the more subtle clues. You suddenly find yourself saying “you guys” like it is nobody’s business. And soda becomes integrated into your vocabulary (instead of the regular “Do you want a coke?” which stands in for any soft drink). You rhyme aunt with gaunt and caramel suddenly has three syllables instead of two. When did you become a Northerner?!

Then again, the more I watch True Blood the thicker my accent gets and I thought those Occupy Harvarders were the most obnoxious people around (hello, inconvenience having to show my ID to walk through the Yard every day!). And I’m placing Duke pretty high on my list of PhD programs to apply to (Ah, North Carolina). So maybe I’m still a Southerner at heart. Or maybe just a weird hybrid.

What’s the most Southern thing you do, if you are from the South? Most Northern if you are from the North, obvs. Anyone else notice ridiculous changes in yourself when you moved somewhere completely different?