So I often try to explain the ridiculousness of Louisiana and specifically Shreveport to people and unless you have experienced it you just. don’t. get. it.  Example A? I took my darling Robin from CA to the Drive-Through Daiquiri for Everclear Vodka Collinses in non-descript 32 oz. styrofoam cups.  Which we may or may not have brought to church.  And even then, she only KIND of understood.

I started following this twitter about my hometown but it was super-boring untillllll I discovered the website version.  FINALLY I can make you understand! In honor of glorious Shreveport, LA and all that she helped and/or hindered my character growth, I give you:

AS SEEN IN SHREVEPORT

I really wish I were kidding…

So When I Try to Explain the Six Flags Over Jesus …

I mean things like this.

When I pair my “Louisiana education” along with statements about how hard I work here that make you question my sanity and/or sleeping/eating patterns, these are a dime a dozen:

Oh and…

That dude on the right is the mayor…I could tell you how/why he was elected in a city of old money Deep South Plantationers but then, you know, I would sound racist.  Instead, I’m just going to invite you to click through on his official biography.  It is pretty awesome.  Read carefully to notice that all of the “jobs” he held before his prolific career as a local politician are considered by most to be volunteer positions.  Example A:  Treasurer of the Shreveport Chapter of the NAACP.  Too lazy to click through?  I just need you to know that he “achieved the

Shreveport Negro Chamber of Commerce Political Achievement Award.”

I know I make you laugh but seriously, even I can’t make this shit up.

In line at McDonald’s…and Massholes, we have drive-thrus EVERYWHERE (duhhh see the following post) so guh wanted to show off her mad fashion skillz.

I don’t know who Bunkie Perkins is (or if that is a fake name) but he is my fake hero.

Oooookay I saved the best for last.  I know that the kind, genteel thing to do is shake my head and say “that is really so sad…he/she must be SUCH an addict.”  But whatever, they may not admit that Betches Love Insensitivity but I swear to God every person who did/would say the above quote would also agree with the below quote, courtesy of that last hyperlink:

“It’s not that betches don’t care about the world, we just care about other shit first. We’re deeply sensitive about the earthquake in Japan, as long as we don’t have to discuss it until after the final rose is handed out on The Bachelor.”

So we have discussed the novelty of the drive-thru liquor stores … I know, I know, you are still in awe.  Just chill out for a minute (or go visit one) and check out the following.  Yes this is a series NO that is not one person.  And before you start feeling bad again (and forgetting the above quote — you totally wouldn’t feel bad if the season Finale of Dancing With the Stars or whatever random reality-TV show you are watching these days was on) …. can we just remember all these homeboys (and guhs) are riding MOTORIZED wheelchairs????  You can’t pick that up at your average Salvation Army darlings!

I wonder how he manages to hold BOTH (it is a two-for-one deal ya know) AND steer?

PS Don't get distracted by "Thrifty Liquor." That part is not funny...it is a legit chain (franchise by now?) of liquor stores and everyone shops there in Shreveport. Go to an overpriced "market" (aka small business who pretends to be elite by occupying a very small building, and purchase the janky wedge of El Presidente Brie you can get down the street at Wal-Mart for $3.99 but you'll pay $10 here), then drive down the street to Thrify to grab a bottle of BareFoot. Keeping it classy.

I wish I could tell you I made this up but Norway Jose; we are as legit as they come! If by legit you mean batshit crazy...Tell me, had any WTF!? moments in your own town? Or one in Shreveport?  Or just go see more here — don’t say I didn’t warn you!