AFTER the War of Northern Aggression…

…The Northerners and the Southerners had to find at least a few things upon which to agree as they were going back to that pesky title the UNITED States. Though it ended in April I’m sure it took a few months (to say the least) to initiate some friendly conversation between troops on opposing sides. Why am I even talking about this?

Because it is so damn hot outside I feel like I’m back in Louisiana.

And yes, “hot” here is this but whatever, relativity my Southern friends:

Yeah I said "hot as hell" for lows of 66 degrees. What of it?

Whether it is 85° or 105° we all need some help cooling down yes? I thought so. For those evenings (or ummmm days) when it is just too much to bear, I recommend drinking Sweet Tea Bourbon. We have to stay hydrated so none of that usual pouring Firefly over a glass of ice and calling it a cocktail business. Here is a recipe:

Sweet Tea Bourbon

1. Brew your favorite Sweet Tea recipe. If you are super lazy, do it this way:Buy a sweet tea maker. Add water and tea bags. Pour ample organic cane sugar in the pitcher and pretend you won’t get BPA poisoning from all the plastic and boiling water mixing. Stir. Done.
2. Pour 2-6 ounces of bourbon into a large glass (I’m not judging you) and fill the rest of the way with sweet tea. I would start with two ounces of bourbon and eight ounces of tea, then adjust to taste.
3. Once you have a delicious concoction, pour over glassed filled to the brim with large ice cubes.
4. Add mint from your herb garden, plant, or neighbor’s backyard. Whatever just find some mint.
5. Drink, repeat.

Since it is FAR too hot to build an actual bonfire, we will have to stick to this. Feel better about the BPA poisoning because it is a soy candle in glass packaging with…wait for it … a wooden wick that “crackles as it burns.” HOW IS IT POSSIBLE for a wooden wick to work? No idea but it smells delightful and no, does not burn at the speed of a match. You can buy your own in Target stores. I know, I like to keep it classy.

And if you choose to pursue that double-edged sword food (I kid I kid…) don’t go near your stove or oven. I’m all about Greek yogurt, salads, and sandwiches. All of Laura’s snack suggestions make great meals. You can also try my favorite sandwich or my favorite salad. I’m also a big fan of Iced soy green tea lattes. At Starbucks I get them with extra matcha and no sweetener. Or you can buy matcha powder, mix it with a bit of cane sugar if it is unsweetened (seriously, it needs it), then mix with organic soy milk. You look all healthy like you are consuming a Green Monster, which you kind of are, but without having to like, use a blender (joke).

I can hardly bear to see those people out running mid-day but whatever, we all need to exercise, right? Or aspire to exercise? Betches are big fans of yoga, but “Hot yoga makes you sweat and therefore feels like a bigger workout. However, it’s totally disgusting and makes your hair look like shit. We’d advise against this or finding a class in a different county.”

If you simply must do something to sweat, I’d advise either wearing as few clothes as possible (if you can get away with it) or go swimming! It’s the perfect workout. Hugh and I swam out to these two docks (two trips) in Vermont but it was a much better workout than it looks because Hugh was wearing water wings so it was a lot of treading water, swimming three strokes then having to swim back to him and tread water while he just chilled. PS I did not alter that photo in any way…it really is THAT gorgeous.

And finally, we get to clothes. I am a big fan of breezy dresses in this type of heat. Less clothing, lighter fabrics, and all around wonderfulness. If you are a guy and can rock it, I say go with linen. My SG had (maybe he still does?) some beautiful Ralph Lauren linen pants that he wore all the time in the summers. Or you can always wear my beloved Nan Reds . For summer clothing I’m loving the following: Left to Right: Stem Colorblock Tank Dress, $48; Indira Ikat Dress, $148; Rowboat Dress, $88; Joie ‘Molly’ Silk Dress, $328; Muhabura Tank Dress, $128; Birch Tree Dress, $298; Doria Dress, $98.

Oh and my day starts with SPF 70 every day, even if I have no plans to go outdoors. Laugh if you want but I already look young, I’m not going to be that gross betch who is 35 wearing a dress when her legs look 80. Or look like this guh.

Of course if you are Yoda you don’t worry about any of these things. You go to an air-conditioned play camp and come home to fresh mint iced water. Seriously. And he acts like he has it so hard.

How do you stay cool in this heat? Any vacations planned or tips for keeping cool outdoors? What is your favorite hot-day meal? Activity? Clothes (or none at all?)? Let me know and stay cute (and cool)! xoxo